Every child experiences big emotions—anger, frustration, excitement, sadness, and anxiety. Learning to manage these emotions is a lifelong skill, but it doesn’t happen overnight. As parents, we’re often our children’s biggest guides in helping them navigate these feelings. The good news? With patience, practice, and the right strategies, kids can learn how to self-regulate and handle emotions in a healthy way.
What is Self-Regulation?
Self-regulation is the ability to manage emotions, behaviours, and impulses in a way that helps kids feel more in control. It allows them to:
- Cope with frustration and disappointment
- Focus and stay on task
- Express their needs in a healthy way
- Bounce back from tough moments
While some children naturally develop these skills, others need a little more support—and that’s completely okay! The key is to approach it with understanding and consistency.
Why Do Some Kids Struggle with Self-Regulation?
Every child is different, and some may find it harder to manage their emotions than others. Some common reasons include:
- Temperament: Some kids feel emotions more intensely and have a harder time calming down.
- Neurodevelopmental Differences: Children with ADHD, autism, or sensory sensitivities may need extra tools to help regulate their emotions.
- Environment: Stress at home, school, or in social settings can impact how a child responds to challenges.
- Parental Modeling: Kids learn by watching us! If they see adults handling emotions calmly, they’re more likely to do the same.
How Can Parents Help?
Helping your child with self-regulation isn’t about stopping big emotions—it’s about teaching them what to do with those feelings. Here are some practical ways to support them:
1. Name and Validate Their Feelings
Instead of dismissing emotions, acknowledge them:
- “I see that you’re really frustrated right now. That’s okay.”
- “It’s normal to feel sad when things don’t go the way we want.”
This helps kids feel understood and teaches them that feelings aren’t something to be ashamed of.
2. Teach Simple Calm-Down Strategies
Give your child tools they can use when emotions run high:
- Deep breathing: “Let’s pretend to smell a flower and then blow out a candle.”
- Movement breaks: Jumping, stretching, or running outside can help release energy.
- Sensory tools: Some kids feel better squeezing a stress ball, using a weighted blanket, or listening to calming music.
3. Model What Self-Regulation Looks Like
Kids learn from watching us. Show them how you handle frustration:
- “I’m feeling stressed, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”
- “That was frustrating, but I’m going to take a minute to calm down before we talk.”
This normalizes emotional regulation and teaches them how to respond in tough moments.
4. Create a Calm-Down Space
Having a quiet place to regroup can make a big difference. Try setting up a cozy corner with:
- Soft pillows or a comfy chair
- Fidget toys or a sensory bin
- Books about emotions (e.g., The Color Monster by Anna Llenas)
Encourage your child to use this space when they need a break.
5. Use Visual Supports
Younger kids may benefit from emotion charts or self-regulation wheels to help them recognize how they’re feeling and choose a coping strategy.
6. Encourage Problem-Solving
When challenges arise, guide your child to think through solutions rather than jumping in to fix things for them:
- “What do you think we could do to make this better?”
- “What would help you feel calmer right now?”
This builds their confidence and problem-solving skills over time.
When to Seek Additional Support
If your child is consistently struggling with emotional regulation, despite using these strategies, they may benefit from additional support. A BCBA can help create a plan tailored to their unique needs.
Final Thoughts
Helping kids manage big emotions is a journey, not a destination. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s completely normal. The important thing is to keep showing up with patience, empathy, and encouragement. Every step forward—no matter how small—is progress!
At Shaping Waves Consulting, we specialize in behaviour coaching and parenting support to help families navigate emotional and behavioural challenges. If you’re looking for personalized strategies to help your child with self-regulation, reach out—we’d love to support you!